Thursday, December 23, 2010

Does First Love Last? by Jennifer Freed

The lessons of first love last forever. Everyone will tell you that you never forget your first love. Most of us feel like when we fall in love for the first time that it will be eternal. We are innocent. We are idealistic. We are overcome with the profound emotions that accompany truly loving another person. We even can feel like no one has ever felt this way before.

The truth is that is rare for a love relationship that begins in High School to endure for a lifetime.


Our brains are not fully formed till we are about 25 years old and our growth and reproductive hormones are raging during our teen years. Together this combination provides a drug like concoction of fantasy, lust, and unchained romanticism. In other words we are not yet able to use all our best judgment; we are charged with chemistry that is out of this world; and we are feeling invincible when it comes to love.

A love relationship that lasts needs:

1) A balanced and mature mind 2) A connection that goes beyond chemistry (because that first divine charge fades with time no matter what) 3) An ability to work through disappointment, loss, and disagreements 4) A shared value system that can grow and change through time 5) The absence of addictions, violence, and


Is it wrong to believe your love is so special and beautiful that it will beat the odds?

No! That belief is a way that we move forward in our lessons in love.

However it is important when completely diving in to consider that it may not last. The minute you get sexually involved with someone you lose objectivity and the ability to make rational assessments about the appropriateness of a romantic partner. The glue of sexual intensity can make anyone seem essential to you, and many people have made damaging decisions based solely on this physical craving. It is hard to believe that superhuman attraction doesn't equal life long compatibility but it doesn't.

If we can tolerate the possibility that this may not work out (emotional maturity and logic) then we can make better decisions based on emotional safety, sexual wisdom, and keeping our friends and worlds intact instead of giving everything to one person.

A relationship can last if we take it slow and really get to know someone deeply.

It takes anywhere from 6 months to 2 years for the LOVE DRUGS of attraction to wear off, or wane. Therefore it really should be about two years before you make any permanent decision to be with anyone. It takes about that long to see the other person clearly without the haze of the intoxicating hormones of romance. If you are aiming for a lifetime with someone then a two-year trial period is no big deal right?

So can FIRST LOVE LAST? Yes if you are willing to go super slow even when your heart is beating extra fast and you are committed to your own balance and growth more than the fantasy of being saved by love. The first love that matters most of all is the one you have for yourself: your integrity, your self worth, your talents and skills, your health and healthy habits, your education, and your future.

This love will never let you down and will last forever, and will be the best gift you can ever offer another person.

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